What are you doing?

What am I doing with my life?

When I ask myself this question, it gives me an opportunity to see how closely my interpretation of my life matches up with what I am actually doing. That is, it forces me to make an effort to live honestly, earnestly, truthfully.

I notice that almost any activity can be worthwhile with the right attitude. What is this attitude? For me, it seems that when I am open-minded and not particularly attached to the merits or faults of an activity, I can proceed mindfully and with a spirit of inquiry, a willingness to learn. But I am not so good at keeping an open mind or maintaining mindfulness in all situations-- indeed, in any situation. For instance, writing or typing can be a very thoughtful and meaningful process, one that aids the process of finding meaning in life and peace with the world. But when it is done without care and mindful awareness, I find it to be a waste of time. The moments in which I can step back, relax, breathe, and be thoughful (rather than being controlled by my thoughts) are very precious because they are few and far between. I don't know if it is possible to always live mindfully, but I would like to try, even if I fail every time.

What I am doing with my life? What can I do that is truly worthwhile, of benefit to all? I don't have an answer to this yet, and I may never. It seems that I usually choose to do things that are benificial to me and that may or may not be benificial to others. But I don't think this is a question of morality or of human nature. It's a question of living moment by moment; slowly, but dearly. If I slow down and become attentive to my motivations and actions, I more often do things that help others, or at the very least do not hurt them.

What I am doing with my life? What are we doing with our life? The only way I can respond to these questions is to slow down and become aware and settled in the present.